Ten-Eyed Man

Philip Reardon had his face blown up twice (once in Vietnam, once in Gotham City) leaving him blind. An experimental surgery attached his optic nerves to his fingers, and he was somehow given the ability to see through his fingertips.

This, in addition to his combat training in Vietnam, somehow was supposed to have made him a very powerful foe, but no one seems to be clear on what was so dangerous about someone who could see through his fingertips.

Pros: Ten-Eyed Man has a cult following, not unlike Killer Moth. Seanbaby.com is a fan (sort of).

Cons: His ability isn't that powerful for fighting purposes (though I bet it could be handy for a spy), and the fingertip eyeball thing isn't at all believable.

How I'd do it: I guess make it Iraq or Afghanistan instead of Vietnam. That's about all I can think of.

Casting Guesses: He sometimes has the crazy look on his face like Mel Gibson in his mug shot, so I'd go with him.

Verdict: Nope.

Great White Shark

Warren White was a corrupt businessman who tries to avoid conviction for embezzlement by getting his case transferred to Gotham City. He thinks he's pulling a fast one by faking an insanity plea, but when he ends up in Arkham Asylum, he realizes he's made a huge mistake.

Passed around from villain to villain, he's tortured by Killer Croc who cuts gills into White's throat, basically Two-Face's bitch (or "coin boy") for a while, and he's locked in a refrigerated cell designed for Mr. Freeze. The frostbite gives White what would become his trademark appearance: white skin stretched to expose his teeth, a stump of a nose, and hairless head. Although he was only pretending to be crazy to go into Arkham, his time there ended up driving him mad.

Though he remains incarcerated, the Great White Shark uses his connections in both the professional and criminal worlds as well as his business acumen to run a criminal enterprice from his cell. His business's hitman, The Tally Man, notably killed a number of Batman's villains at White's order.

Pros: He's a striking looking villain.

Cons: His origin relies on being put into Arkham with a bunch of familliar crazy bad guys. Since, as far as we know, the Joker is the only villain to survive in these Batman movies and Heath Ledger's death would make Joker's return the longest of long shots, having a whole Great White Shark origin would require several other origins, and then half your movie is gone before you even have Batman appear.

How I'd do it: If the script called for a crooked rich guy from out of town, I'd name him Warren White as an easter egg for fans. That's about as far as I'd go for White.

Casting Guesses: I forget what White looked like before his ordeal in Arkham, but it seems like a role I'd want Steve Buscemi for. Sort of a supervillainous Mr. Pink.

Verdict: Almost certainly not. He's a very new and very unknown villain. The only chance is for dropping his name as an easter egg, but even that seems remote.

The Clock King

There are a few significant clock kings out there. First, there's William Tockman, a Green Arrow villain who attempted to rob a bank by memorizing the timing of the bank's operation, only to be stopped by a silent alarm. As a career criminal, Tockman's crimes were always time-themed. This version was also adapted for the 1960s Batman TV series, played by Walter Slezak.

Second, there's a recurring Clock King villain from Batman: the Animated Series. On his way to an important day at work, Temple Fugate is inadvertantly delayed by lawyer Hamilton Hill, and the delay ends up costing Fugate his job. Distraught over the disruption in timing, Fugate becomes obsessed with time, and obsessed with revenge on Hamilton Hill, who had since become Mayor of Gotham. Notable for his precise timing of every event, he's a master planner, so much so that his character returns for a Justice League Unlimited episode where he plans a Suicide Squad raid on Justice League headquarters down to the second.

Third, there's a new Clock King in Teen Titans comic books (pictured above), who apparently can see a few seconds into the future. Obviously, in the wrong hands, this is a powerful and dangerous ability.

Small confession: I've never read a comic book with the Clock King in it. But since the comic book versions of the Clock King are more Green Arrow/Teen Titans enemies, that doesn't really affect the Batman angle.

Pros: There's nothing technically supernatural about the first or second Clock Kings, and someone with that kind of ability to coordinate timed events is very dangerous.

Cons: The Joker's opening heist in The Dark Knight demonstrated a similar planning/timing ability, so that might seem repetitive.

How I'd do it: I rather liked the Temple Fugate character, so if I had to do the Clock King I might just rip off that story completely.

Casting Guesses: I've got the animated series character in my head, so without question it'd be Jonathan Pryce. He's a fine actor and looks a lot like Temple Fugate.

Verdict: Nah. It's not that great a character to begin with, but the big knock on him is the similarity to how the Joker operated in his bank heist.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum

Denver and Dumfree Tweed are cousins who look not only like identical twins, but also like Lewis Carrol's characters Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Not generally affiliated with Mad Hatter even though they're all based on Alice in Wonderland characters, Tweedledee and Tweedledum are strategists who let henchmen carry out their plans. Recently they did hook up with the Mad Hatter and formed the Wonderland Gang (no relation to the actual gang), adding some new Alice in Wonderland-themed characters.

Pros: Nothing supernatural, they're just criminals looking for money.

Cons: The Mad Hatter's a much better (and better known) Wonderland villain. Tweedledee and Tweedledum haven't been involved in many of the bigger Batman stories, so they wouldn't generate much fan interest.

How I'd do it: Have the Tweeds be low level criminals who had been stopped by Batman in the past. When they see Batman on the run from the cops, they think it's open season for crime and set out on their own.

Casting Guesses: Two portly gentlemen who look alike... the only actors who are coming to mind are comedic ones. Jack Black types who would be more than a little out of place in a Christopher Nolan Batman movie. I'm sure there are a couple of perfect guys for the part, but I doubt they'll get the chance to prove it.

Verdict: Nope. When there are two similar villains and one is just that much better than the other (like Catman and Catwoman), I don't see any reason to include the crappy one.

Catman

Thomas Blake was a big game hunter who, now bored of killing lions, decided to move to Gotham and take up costumed crime. He borrowed Catwoman's theme and costume (much to her chagrin) and named himself Catman. Many of his early stories relate to his competition with Catwoman. His cat-themed crimes are often falsely pinned on her, so she has joined forces with Batman to stop Blake.

Later, Blake was portrayed as a joke among supervillains, a loser even among those who always lose to Batman. So he and Killer Moth formed a team of D-list villains called the Misfits. Later still, Blake has joined the Secret Six, a group of villains including Deadshot and Bane.

As a hunter, Blake's abilities include tracking, hand-to-hand combat, and a number of weapon skills, and he has metal claws built into his suit.

Pros: No supernatural powers, so he's not a stretch realism-wise. That's about it.

Cons: His backstory is that he's bored and needs money, so he puts on a cat costume and steals stuff, which is pretty weak. And Catman in a movie would feel like a poor substitute for Catwoman.

How I'd do it: I think I'd just rip off Kraven the Hunter from Spider-man. Thomas Blake decides that the hunt for Batman is the ultimate challenge.

Casting Guesses: I have suggested him before but Thomas Jane looks just like this guy.


Verdict: Nope. Catwoman is iconic, Catman is a novelty.

Cluemaster

Arthur Brown is obsessed with clues, and he intentionally leaves behind clues at all his crime scenes. Though his clues are technically not riddles, he is basically a poor man's Riddler.

His main contributions to Batman comics are forming the Injustice League with a group of lesser-known villains, and fathering Stephanie Brown, aka Spoiler, who briefly served as Robin.

Pros:You can take most potential Riddler stories and turn them into Cluemaster stories.

Cons: But they wouldn't be as good.

How I'd do it: I probably wouldn't. Any Cluemaster story would feel like a cheap version of a Riddler story. And having him as a cameo would require too much time to explain his impulse to leave clues behind.

Casting Guesses: I tend to think of him as an older guy, father of a teenage daughter. Character actor Gregg Henry could fit the part.

Verdict: Not going to happen. If they ever started making Robin movies featuring Tim Drake, he'd probably have to show up. But in Robin-less Batman, he's a nobody.

Killer Moth

Killer Moth is a strange, kinda goofy, but oddly popular second rate villain. Originally, he attempts to become the anti-Batman. He creats the Mothmobile and the Mothcave, and gives Gotham's crimnal underworld their own Moth-signal, with which they can summon his help (for a price). He even has his own millionaire philanthropist persona, Cameron Van Cleer, though this similarity to Bruce Wayne was purely by accident on his part (but clearly on purpose by the writers).

In more recent stories, Killer Moth has become a moth monster creature known as Charaxes, and is pretty much Killer Croc but moth-y instead of crocodile-y.

Pros: Killer Moth, in some circles, is a beloved villain. There's even a Killer Moth Appreciation and Preservation Society with a webpage and a blog (there's tons of Killer Moth info there, so if you're interested I highly recommend checking them out).

Cons: He's a guy in a moth suit. That worked for Arthur, but in a dark, semi-realistic Batman story, it doesn't work so well.

How I'd do it: I guess you could do Killer Moth like the imitation Batman in The Dark Knight, where it's another dangerous copycat, only moth-themed.

Casting Guesses: Old school Cameron van Cleer looks like a young Kirk Douglas. I'm not sure who fits that bill now though. The character could be played for laughs I guess, in the copycat mode, which would open the door to most any comedic actor. Or more likely a no-name.

Verdict: Sorry, Killer Moth Appreciators, but it's doubtful. But I'm not going to say it's impossible. Just highly unlikely.

Calculator

Noah Kuttler built an awesome suit with a calculator keypad on his chest. Punching a few buttons allowed the big light mounted on his head to do cool Green Lantern type things, making solid objects out of light. This qualified him as one of the goofiest villains ever, alongside guys like Crazy Quilt.

But a few years ago, Calculator was reinvented. The calculator keypad, head lamp thing, and general gimmickry are all gone, and instead Calculator is a computer genius, hacker, and information broker to all the supervillains. The anti-Oracle.

Pros: Someone evil might need some hard to find piece of information, and it would make perfect sense for him to ask Kuttler.

Cons: The Calculator suit version can't work for obvious reasons. And he can't really be the anti-Oracle because there aren't enough supervillains in the movie universe to need their own Oracle.

How I'd do it: Either just a cameo finding information for someone, or he could be Oracle to the Gotham City mob. Providing, for a price, up to the minute information on where Batman is, and allowing them to pull the kinds of crimes I think I read in Brian Michael Bendis' Daredevil, where they would have one group of criminals commit some noisy high profile crime to get Batman's attention on one side of the city, then shortly after, start a more discreet, but more profitable job.

Casting Guesses: The current Noah Kuttler is kind of a sleazy nerd, and I can't help but think he'd be played for some laughs if he was the Oracle of organized crime. So Joel Moore is the first name that comes to mind, but I'm sure there are others who could be just as good.

Verdict: Not likely to be a featured villain, but he could pop up in a supporting role or in a cameo.

Mr. Freeze

Mr. Freeze, until the 1990s, was a silly gimmick villain who carried a freeze gun and committed ice-related crimes. If you ever saw Otto Preminger play Mr. Freeze on the Adam West Batman TV show, that's pretty much it. Then the animated Batman series reinvented the character completely. Victor Fries is a scientist specializing in cryogenics whose wife is terminally ill. He puts her in cryo-statis until they can find a cure, but badly damages himself in an experiment. As a result of the accident, his body requires sub-zero temperatures to survive. He builds a suit that keeps him cold (which runs on diamonds, a call back to the "ice" heists he used to pull in his gimmicky days), makes him strong, and has a gun that allows him to shoot freeze rays.

Pros: Still trying to save his wife and willing to do anything for her, he's a tragic villain who makes for some great stories.

Cons: The freeze gun, the cryo-suit, and the need to stay at sub-zero temperatures don't fit the movies at all. Plus, the public still associates the character with the awful Arnold Schwarzenegger portrayal in Batman & Robin.

How I'd do it: It's very, very tough. He can't do most of the freeze-related things. A man willing to rob and murder to save his wife is compelling, but is that Mr. Freeze anymore?

Casting Guesses: Patrick Stewart would be great. Great.

Verdict: In a more fantastical Batman film universe, a well-done Mr. Freeze would make for a wonderful movie, but in the universe Christopher Nolan and friends have established, I just don't think Mr. Freeze fits.

Two-Face

Heavy Dark Knight spoilers ahead...

As anyone who's reading this should already know, Harvey Dent was a crusading Gotham City District Attorney, but when half his face was badly scarred in an accident he lost it. His physical deformity and the randomness of it all made him obsessed with duality and with chance, as evidenced by his ever-present coin, which he uses to make important decisions.

In the comics, Dent is often presented as mentally unstable even before becoming Two-Face. The Long Halloween, a storyline that the people behind the current movies have cited as a strong influence, has Harvey violent enough that he might be a murderer. The accident itself is also very different from the movie version, Dent is in the middle of a courtroom questioning when his mob witness pulls out a vial of acid and throws it at Harvey, badly scarring just one side of him.

The movie version is, of course, driven mad only by his own accident, the death of Rachel Dawes, and his scarring is from burns of the non-acidic variety received while being rescued. His apparent death would seem to rule him out for a subsequent movie, but...

Pros: Technically, no one ever took a pulse or anything, and in comic book stories that always leaves an opening, so Two-Face could still be very much alive. And he's an awesome villain. Harvey Dent's downfall was brilliantly portrayed in The Dark Knight, but I felt like Two-Face didn't get enough of his own story.

Cons: I find fake deaths to be infuriating. If Dent can surprisingly turn out to be alive, then so could Rachel or Ra's al Ghul or even Bruce's parents. Or whoever dies next. So, as a viewer, the drama is removed when someone is in a dangerous situation, since I know that even if they appear to die, it could be written away and the character would turn out fine.

How I'd do it: I guess if I had to, I'd flashback to Batman running away. Gordon checks Harvey's pulse to find that he's still alive. At first unsure what to do, Jim remembers that Harvey Dent is the hero that Gotham needs. He arranges for Two-Face to be secretly admitted to Arkham (and this is already suspending disbelief, since half of the guy is a local celebrity) where he would be cared for anonymously. But he breaks out, and then... I'd have him flip his coin and get the good side. He goes to the media and tells about his accident and how he was incarcerated without trial. He blames Batman and the culture of lawlessness he represents. Of course a later coin flip would be scarred side up and we'd get some fun violence.

Casting Guesses: Aaron Eckhart, obviously.

Verdict: Batman stopping him would help to redeem him in the city, and it would make for a pretty good story, but I would still feel cheated by bringing him back after his death scene. I guess it's possible, but I sure hope not.

The Ventriloquist (and Scarface)

Arnold Wesker is quiet, shy, meek, weak, and every other adjective that seems un-villain-ly. But he develops his own version of Tyler Durden in the form of Scarface, a ventriloquist's dummy, built to look like an Edward G. Robinson-type old school gangster with a big fat cigar and a tommy gun (which works). Wesker believes that Scarface is real, an illusion more difficult for others to buy into because Wesker isn't a skilled ventriloquist and can't pronounce B's without moving his lips (forcing him to curse "Gatman"). People usually try to address Wesker, knowing him to be the man in control of the dummy, but Scarface belittles Wesker and demands to be respected. And he earns respect. Scarface somehow turns out to be a skilled criminal, and he is able to put together a real gang.

At various times in the comics, they play around with the idea that the doll is real and not just an aspect of Wesker's fractured mind. Recently, when Wesker is murdered, a woman finds the dummy and picks up right where Wesker left off, becoming the new Ventriloquist, but Scarface is almost exactly the same.

Pros: Scarface is a mob guy, and the first two movies have emphasized the mob. And with the Joker's line "You've changed things forever, there's no going back," they've signaled that the craziness will only escalate. So a lunatic barking out orders through a dummy almost makes sense.

Cons: They could have a ton of fun with a shadowy figure running a mob with a shocking reveal later in the film that it was a ventriloquist the whole time, but naming The Ventriloquist as the villain will be big enough news that everyone will know what's coming. Which is a shame.

A much bigger con is that the concept of the Ventriloquist is kind of silly. I actually like the character and I think he could work very well, but convincing Warner Bros. to spend $200 million to make a movie where the bad guy speaks through a dummy... well... that would be difficult.

How I'd do it: It would be a fairly straightforward story, except for the dummy part. Arnold Wesker is a loser in life, weak and defeated. He sees the dummy, maybe not even with the gangster look, maybe just an old ventriloquist's dummy with the big eyes. He starts talking to it, and it's angry. He figures out some way for it to fire a gun, and starts out with petty crime, making his way up. His associates laugh at him at first, but his cunning and his ruthlessness earn him respect and soon he's a threat to Gotham that Batman has to deal with.

Casting Guesses: Wesker is usually portrayed as an old guy but he doesn't necessarily have to be, as long as he seems perfectly harmless, but with a hidden mean streak. George Dzundza voiced both the Ventriloquist and Scarface on the animated series in the 90s and did an excellent job. Paul Giamatti, currently leading the Penguin poll, could be Wesker as well. But William H. Macy is a brilliant actor, can appear to be the kind of wimp that Wesker has to be, and have the hidden scariness of Scarface behind his eyes, so he would be my choice.

Verdict: It's a character that could really fit in the movie universe, since it combines the insanity of Gotham with the mafia that the movies have focused on, but far too many people would be turned off by the idea of Batman fighting some guy with a doll. I won't say there's no chance, he could make a cameo, but there's almost no way he'll be the focus of the movie.

Poison Ivy

Pamela Isley is a botanist who at some point becomes poisonous and is skilled at manipulating men through sexual attraction. That is about all that's consistent about Poison Ivy's characterization over the years in the comic books. In some versions, she has the ability to control plants. In some, she emits toxic fungus spores wherever she goes. Sometimes she's an environmental terrorist, sometimes she just wants to be left alone with plants. She's shown contempt for all people in some versions, but other times she's partnered with Harley Quinn. Sometimes she's able to mess with men's heads because she's developed pheromones, sometimes it's a byproduct of her poisonousness. So there's a variety of ways to go with this character for a Dark Knight sequel while still being faithful to the comic books.

(image stolen from Phil Noto)

Pros: To be completely superficial, Poison Ivy has to be a smoking hot redhead, and that's never bad.

Cons: Her appearance in Batman & Robin is a huge negative. Uma Thurman wasn't all that bad, but it was a poorly written part and an all-around terrible film, and the public still associates the Poison Ivy character with that movie. And like many villains, her more supernatural powers don't fit in the realistic universe of the film series.

How I'd do it: Bruce Wayne becomes infatuated with Pamela Isley, improbably attractive scientist, while Batman battles an eco-terrorist using the alias Poison Ivy. No poisonousness, no pheromones, no plant powers.

Casting Guesses: Christina Hendricks is perfect for the part. She was wonderfully wicked as Saffron on a couple episodes of Firefly, and I can't take my eyes off her on Mad Men. In fact, if Poison Ivy is chosen and someone other than Christina Hendricks plays the part, I'd be pretty upset.

Verdict: Not impossible, but not very likely. The plotline I imagined turns her into a redheaded Catwoman who likes plants instead of cats. In that case, I'd just rather see Catwoman. And so would most people, I think.

Doctor Phosphorus

In an origin that could only come from a comic book, Dr. Alex Sartorius is touring a nuclear power plant he helped finance when the core explodes. Sartorius takes cover behind some sand but the explosion blasts five million "slivers" of sand into his body, but... well this can only be explained with a direct quote: "but not -- hee hee -- ordinary sand! No! Radioactive sand -- blasted upward one level on the atomic scale! Atomic number fifteen -- silicon -- became number fifteen -- phosphorus!" I'm no physicist, but I'm pretty sure that's not how radiation and atomic numbers work.

Doctor Phosphorus was suggested by First in the comments, and when I said I wasn't that familiar with the character, First mentioned that he loves to let people know that he "burns when exposed to air." And that he does. He only mentioned it three times in his two issue origin story (which also introduced Silver St. Cloud, one of Batman's long term love interests), but it still felt repetitive. But as you may have guessed, Doctor Phosphorus's power is to burn when exposed to air.

Anyway, he blamed Gotham City for voting not to fund the nuclear plant, forcing the construction to cut corners which lead to the explosion. So he took out his revenge by swimming in a reservoir, poisoning Gotham's water supply with phosphorus. In the end of his first story, Doctor Phosphorus takes a long fall and Batman, despite a 40 year history of villains returning from the dead and/or escaping from prison, happily assumes that the Doctor Phosphorus problem is solved without bothering to look for a body, and goes off to hit on Silver St. Cloud.

Pros: He burns when exposed to air!

Cons: He burns when exposed to air!

How I'd do it: The closest I can think of is a guy with radiation sickness blaming Batman or Bruce Wayne for whatever accident is going to kill him. But, sadly, he wouldn't burn when exposed to air because that's far too fantastical for these movies.

Casting Guesses: Dr. Sartorius has one of those weird thin mustaches that no real people have except for John Waters, so the only actor I can think of is Matt Dillon with his There's Something About Mary 'stache.

Verdict: Sorry, but no. Doctor Phosphorus could've fit for last week's parade of never-gonna-happens, but I didn't get a chance to read up on him until now.

The Riddler

The Riddler, otherwise known as Edward Nigma, Edward Nygma, or Edward Nashton, is a brilliant man, obsessed with puzzles, mysteries, secrets, and, of course, riddles. Many people know him from the Frank Gorshin's portrayal on the 60s television series or Jim Carrey in Batman Forever where he wore a jumpsuit covered in question marks and seemed like a poor man's Joker, but more modern versions of the character have gone for a green suit and bowler hat, and a more complex personality. His crimes come from an obsessive need to prove his intellect. Leaving clues that he could solve allows him to test himself against Batman, hoping to prove to himself and to the world that he's superior. At one point, he deduced Batman's identity as Bruce Wayne and considered it the greatest riddle he'd ever solved, but concluded that the mystery was only powerful because no one knew, so he didn't tell anyone. In typical and frustrating comic book fashion, the problem of a villain knowing Batman's identity was resolved by giving the Riddler amnesia.

Recently, he's abandoned his criminal ways and become a private investigator. Though he's "reformed," he hasn't magically become a good guy. He's less interested in helping people than he is in making money, getting famous, and solving crimes before Batman can.

Before we continue, you should know that this is going to have a lot more Dark Knight spoilers than most of the articles I've written here. You've been warned.

Pros: With a history as both a criminal and a detective, the Riddler is very flexible and can be used in any number of ways. His modern costume requires little alteration to fit in the movie universe (a dark green suit and a purple tie with a question mark on it?). He's memorable, famous, and many fans, based on the crazy rumor mill going around, would love to see him on the big screen portrayed by anyone but Jim Carrey. And Gary Oldman (Commissioner Gordon) has suggested that we will see the Riddler.

Cons: Many people do only associate Jim Carrey and Frank Gorshin with the character, and their manic, over-the-top style would be a terrible fit with the realism established in Christopher Nolan's movies.

Casting Guesses: The internet is swamped with rumors that Johnny Depp will play the Riddler, but those rumors started with the National Enquirer, so I wouldn't take them too seriously. Plus at one point the internet rumor mills were saying that Anthony Michael Hall was playing the Riddler in The Dark Knight, which he obviously did not. This is not to say that Johnny Depp wouldn't do a good job, but my friends like to discuss who we'd cast as certain characters in movies, and our choice for most male characters age 25-50 is Johnny Depp, and he can't play every part. As much as I'd enjoy seeing him, I suspect that he'd be hard to attract to the part, or at least difficult to schedule.

Dr. Who actor David Tennant has expressed interest, but his personalty on Dr. Who and interest in the Frank Gorshin character make him a long shot.

There's also a question as to whether we've already seen the Riddler. In The Dark Knight, Coleman Reese, like the Riddler, solves the mystery of Batman's identity. And the Riddler is known for his goofy name pun, "E. Nigma = enigma," and many are quick to point out that "Mr. Reese = mysteries." So it's possible that the Riddler was already cast as Joshua Harto. Harto did an excellent job, but I suspect that we won't be hearing too much from the character in the future, whether he's this movie series' version of the Riddler or not.

As for my thoughts, I already suggested him for The Ratcatcher just because I couldn't think of anyone else, but Michael Emerson's character on Lost has some Riddler-like qualities, so I know he could do a great job. The ideal choice though is Guy Pearce, who previously worked with director Christopher Nolan on Memento. He looks the part perfectly, and has a demeanor that fits the Riddler just as well.

How I'd do it: Assuming, as I said above, that we haven't already seen the Riddler, I like the idea that Edward Nashton (Nigma/Nygma is too silly for these movies), a brilliant but shady private investigator, is unable to resist the mystery of unmasking Batman. Since the costumed vigilante is public enemy #1, Nashton could be hired by the city, or he could just come on his own for the publicity. Or an individual could hire him, either someone who wants to make his name by helping to bring down Batman, someone connected with organized crime who stands to make more money with Batman out of the way, or preferably both.

He could decide that the best way to lure the Bat out of hiding is to appeal to his vigilante nature and commit high profile crimes, leaving clues for Batman to follow. Or he could just play it straight like a normal detective. While Jim Gordon, knowing the truth, might try to intentionally slow the hunt for Batman or keep it on the back burner, Nashton picks up clues or otherwise fans the media flames, forcing Gotham City PD to act. And in the end, Batman could reveal the link between Nashton's employer and the mob, allowing him to at least partially redeem himself to the public.

Verdict: The Riddler's a great fit, possibly the best out of any villain. He won't be the version TV and movie fans know, and he might not even be a villain exactly, but he could be a great antagonist for a Batman on the lam.

Magpie

Magpie is mostly memorable for looking like a reject from a Mad Max movie and for recently being killed in the comics. But she was also at one time a feared villain, who had an obsession with jewels that were named after birds. You'd think that would be a very limited specialty, but for some reason, Gotham City had a lot of these (the eagle's heart, the robin's egg, the falcon's eye). She made squawking noises and lame bird puns and all the stuff you'd expect from a fourth-rate Batman villain. By far the most amusing part of her first appearance in Batman comics was how Robin let her get away by being too gentlemanly (click for a larger version):


Pros: There was a time when movie villains sorta looked like that, with weird hair and weird costumes. Like Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner. It might be cool to bring that back.

Cons: It would not be cool to bring that back in a Batman movie though. Also, if anyone's going to be stealing jewels named after birds, it ought to be the Penguin

How I'd do it: To make her work, she'd have to change so much that she'd basically be the lady Penguin, or Catwoman but with birds.

Casting Guesses: Chyler Leigh, who I just learned is now on Grey's Anatomy which is weird, once had crazy hair on That 80s Show. That's the best I've got.

Verdict: Magpie is for the birds. Only a bird brain would put her in a movie. A little bird told me it'll never happen. Putting Magpie in a movie would ruffle my feathers. I think that's all the bird puns I've got. And my apologies to anyone who suffered through that.

Signalman

Phil Cobb, "a small-time crook with big ideas," comes to Gotham to make it big. When he tries to put a gang together, he's laughed at because he's a nobody. Shortly after, he spots the bat signal in the night sky and is inspired to become a themed villain like the Joker and the Penguin, and to use signals as his theme, which is a pretty lame theme if you ask me. Signs and indicators and objects used in symbolic gestures. He leaves signal-based clues that will tell Batman exactly what he's up to. That's about all I know about the Signalman, but wikpedia seems to indicate that he's become a joke among the DC Universe's supervillains.

Pros: None whatsoever.

Cons: The signal clues just makes him a third-rate Riddler.

How I'd do it: I just plain wouldn't.

Casting Guesses: Ashton Kutcher. I don't like him, so the idea of inflicting a terrible role on him appeals to me.

Verdict:

Ratcatcher

Otis Flannegan had been rat catcher on Gotham City, but at some point he developed the ability to control rats, like Willard or The Rat King, enemy of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Flannegan adopts the name Ratcatcher, commanding his army of rats, wearing a gas mask, and wielding an exterminator's gas gun.

Pros: An army of rats looks kinda cool on screen.

Cons: It's been done (twice) with Willard, and commanding an army of rats doesn't fit with the realistic themes of the movies.

How I'd do it: It's still a stretch, but the Ratcatcher could develop some kind of rat control technology, or training methods. He could start out as a research scientist doing rat-in-a-maze experiments, I guess, and somehow figures out a way to get rats to do his bidding.

Casting Guesses: Crispin Glover? It'd have to be someone nerdy and unsettling. Michael Emerson (Ben Linus from Lost) certainly fits that description.

Verdict: Now that I give it some thought, it's not quite as ridiculous as most of the other villains this week. But it's still never gonna happen.

The Cavalier

The Cavalier is a Three Musketeers-type villain who is a skilled fencer, wielding an electrified rapier. I've only read two of his appearances, his original 1943 story, and a brief fight in Knightfall where the Cavalier doesn't even get a word out before being beaten down by Batman. In the issue where he did have lines, he spoke in a strange, colorful, and somewhat pompous English, strange even by old comics standards. I had to look up quite a few words (like varlet), so he's not only a Batman villain, he's educational! Recently, in some comics I didn't read myself, the Cavalier was revealed to be involved in a secret gay affair with Captain Stingaree, the realism of which was debated here. The gay thing really isn't surprising, in his inaugural appearance, Robin calls the Cavalier a "rainbow," which... may not have meant that at the time, but it's kinda funny in retrospect.

Pros: I'm drawing a blank here.

Cons: The very first thing the Cavalier ever said was "That baseball you coddle interests me mightily, stripling!" which tells you all you need to know about how well the character fits with the modern, semi-realistic version of Batman we see in the movies.

How I'd do it: Something like in Knightfall where Batman silently beats down a weird looking guy in a Three Musketeers outfit would have worked perfectly in the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher movies, but it's a little too goofy for Christopher Nolan's Batman.

Casting Guesses: Will Ferrell. His dialogue in his initial appearance had me hearing Will Ferrell's voice in my head, reminiscent of his Black Knight character on that one Family Guy where he calls Peter a fizzle.

Verdict: Verily, though it pains me to say so, we shan't be seeing the Cavalier any time soon.

Batzarro

Either from Superman comics, the Legion of Doom from Superfriends, or from Seinfeld, lots of people are familiar with Bizarro, the opposite version of Superman. But recently, Batman got his own version of the bizarro character, Batzarro. Batzarro does the same opposite talk as Bizarro, and wears both his utility belt and the bat logo on his chest upside down.

Pros: Batzarro's a fun idea, comics-wise.

Cons: It's a fun idea, but mostly a one note joke. It's too weird a concept for even a Fantastic Four movie.

How I'd do it: I don't think there's a way to turn an opposite Batman into a realistic-ish character that would remain in any way Batzarro.

Casting Guesses: Christian Bale in heavy makeup?

Verdict: Nope. Smallville had to go to great lengths to change Bizarro to get him to fit in their world, which is considerably wackier than the Superman movies, which are in turn considerably wackier than the Batman movies.

Captain Stingaree

Karl Courtney ran a pirate-themed restaurant, but at some point flipped out, believing there were three men who shared the role of Batmen, and that they were his three brothers. So he became a full-on pirate-themed villain, determined to get back at his Batmen brothers. Interestingly, in 1976, almost 20 years before Speed, Captain Stingaree's plan began by planting a bomb in Commissioner Gordon's car that would explode if he dropped below 50mph. I think Keanu Reeves owes Captain Stingaree some royalty money. There's a loving tribute to a later issue (which I've never read) in Captain Stingaree's introductory arc over here.

Pros: Did you hear about that new pirate movie? It's rated "Arr!" That's the best joke ever. And with, I think, no more Pirates of the Caribbean movies coming, a Captain Stingaree appearance would give me new opportunities to use that awesome joke.

Cons: Those three movies probably exhausted the public's appetite for pirates for a good while.

How I'd do it: Bruce and Lucius use the high tech boys at Wayne Enterprises to make a seriously high tech 19th century sailing ship, and Batman hits the high seas on the Bat-Clipper, headed to the Barbary coast. Does that still exist?

Casting Guesses: Bald eyepatch guy? How about Battlestar Galactica's Saul Tigh, Michael Hogan?

Verdict: Unless the writers and producers break open a barrel of rum or grog or whatever, we won't be seeing Captain Stingaree. Sorry, pirate fans.